Dating Therapy
by Scarred DNA
Summary: Death Note Characters, in need of professional help when it comes to the opposite sex, fill out questionnaires in hopes of finding that special someone. L only, at the moment. Crude humor and deviant sexual situations. CANCELLED.
1. 1 L

_ . . . _

* * *

**Tunes:**

**Dirty Little . . .**

**Stalker's Anthem (Explicit Lyrics) (Video)**

* * *

I thought it might be fun to put a Death Note spin on social therapy. I may do other characters once I determine how I feel about this one. Or, I may just do lessons on sexual interaction for this character.

Disclaimer? I guess I'm supposed to say that I don't own Death Note. I don't own Death Note.

. . .

* * *

_Social Therapy - Dating _

Dating Therapy Questionnaire

Be as honest as possible. You are completing this form because you are DESPERATE, and have no idea how to socially interact with the opposite sex.

This will determine what kind of mate I find for you. Help me, help you.

**Name**: Ryuuzaki

**Age**: 24

**Hair**: Black

**Eyes**: Black/Grey

**Coloring/Complexion**: Light

**Race/Ethnicity**: Caucasian

**Height/Weight**: 5'8/110lbs

**Shoe size**: 10 - 10.5

**Boxers/Briefs**: Boxers

**Smoke**: No

**Drink**: No

**Kids**: No

**Religion**: None

Okay, let's move on to some general questions about you, and the woman you want. Remember - honesty! I am not a miracle worker, so please keep it realistic. Underline the answer that best suits you.

* * *

**1. When it comes to body-type, what are you looking for?**

I like young boys.

I like a little meat on those bones.

I want a true hourglass figure.

I'm a chubby chaser.

If I roll over while on top of her, I'd still be on top of her.

* * *

**2. When it comes to breasts, what are you looking for?**

I like nips only.

Anything more than handful is a waste.

I have big hands.

I like broke-back boobies.

* * *

**3. When it comes to the backside, what are you looking for?**

The tight ass of a 12 year old boy.

I like 'white girl' ass.

Qualified to wear Applebottoms.

Sir Mix A Lot is my brother.

* * *

**4. When it comes to hair color, what are you looking for?**

Blondes are hot.

Red-heads have more fun.

Brunettes are where it's at.

Black - Goth turns me on.

Grey - Senior citizens for the win!

* * *

**5. When it comes to general coloring, what are you looking for?**

I like it when they glow in the dark.

I like pink.

I like that orange tan-glow.

Those Middle-Eastern women are so hot.

I'd like a Nubian Queen.

* * *

**6. When it comes to sexual appetite, what are you looking for?**

Sex isn't necessary as long as we love each other.

Sex is for procreation only.

I like sex on the weekends.

I have to sneak up and steal it when she goes to sleep.

I want a lady on the street, and a freak in the sheets.

Is that my hoe over there sitting on the curb?

* * *

**7. When it comes to the "romance" department, which best describes you?**

"On your knees and pull something" is my version of foreplay.

"I love you" is the password to the panties.

Hot and heavy on the couch watching a movie.

Teddy Pendergrass STAYS in my stereo.

Opera tickets, fine dining, and a carriage ride.

* * *

**8. When it comes to attentiveness, which best describes you?**

I just want to bust a nut - she's on her own.

What's taking her so long? Hurry up!

Get half of it in, and stir it like coffee.

I scream my own name during sex.

I'm going to make those legs shake by any means necessary.

* * *

**9. When it comes to equipment, what are you working with?**

Paper cuts hurt too!

I have to work a little harder than the non-Asian man.

I'm average.

I'm black where it counts.

When I use the bathroom, it touches the water.

It's my third leg.

"I'm blessed. I'm Big Boned. I'm heavy structured. I'm hung low. If I pull my shit out, this whole room get dark."

(-Bernie Mac RIP 1957-2008)

* * *

**10. When it comes to the act of lovemaking, what are you looking for?**

She does only what I tell her to do.

I do only what she tells me to do.

We don't talk much.

She likes to pull hair, and I like to spank.

I come out of the sheets with black and blues.

* * *

Now, for some dating questions. This section will be graded. Wrong answers will be discussed with you in person. Be honest!

* * *

**1. You're on a date with the girl you like, and her friend. You want to invite this girl up to your room, but her friend isn't taking the hint. What is your best course of action?**

Go home alone and jerk off - it's not worth the trouble.

Jump up and yell, "Stop cock-blocking, you loser!"

Slip something in her drink. She'll be out for hours.

Wait until she goes to the restroom, and run!

Invite her too for some hot girl on girl action.

* * *

**2. You've been incredibly callous and insensitive to this female you just started seeing, and she's sending all your calls to voicemail. What do you do next?**

Stop calling - 40 messages is borderline stalker.

Leave one message telling her the sex was terrible anyway.

Leave one message - beg her while crying.

Leave one message - guilt trip her and leave the ball in her court.

Call from a different number.

* * *

**3. You're walking down the street with your female friend, and another guy tries to pick her up. How do you react?**

Black his eye, and teabag his fallen body. You're the Alpha Male.

Let him run his game - it's the highest form of flattery.

Let her handle him - she's a grown woman.

The Entrepreneur in you offers to let her go for 500 bucks.

He's a lot bigger than you - Escape!

* * *

**4. Your female friend has answered your phone while you were in the shower. It was another female you've been banging on the side. How do you explain this to her?**

You don't have to - she trusts you completely.

"You know I can't tell you about my work."

"Why did you answer my phone?"

You were going to confess anyway - now is as good a time as any.

Cleverly redirect the conversation with, "That's my shrink."

* * *

. . .


	2. 2 L

Dating Therapy Questionnaire

. . . L cont'd.

* * *

**5. Your first official date is coming to an end, and your female friend is thoroughly foxed. She's throwing herself at you, but you know it's just the alcohol talking. How do you handle this situation?**

Politely decline, and put her to bed.

Give in to her – you really dig this girl, and _it_ was going to happen eventually anyway.

Break her back, and never call her again.

Take advantage – she's ripe for some nasty, depraved sex.

Abandon ship – you don't want anyone willing to give it up on the first date.

* * *

**6. You've been seeing your female friend for a few weeks now. You're having dinner, and she drops the "L-bomb" on you. But, you don't love her. How do you react?**

Lie – at least until you get in her pants and determine whether she's worthy or not.

"Have you lost your mind? We barely know each other!"

You suspected she might be needy, and this only confirms it. Enjoy your last date together, then shove your cock down her throat for the big finish.

"Thank you, but I can't say it unless I mean it. It's not something I take lightly."

"That's just a chemical reaction in your brain coming out of your mouth."

* * *

**7. Let's flip that. You think you've fallen for this female, but she doesn't seem to reciprocate those feelings. What now?**

Strangle her – if you can't have her, no one can.

Try harder – anyone can be manipulated into love.

The nice guy routine isn't working – time to strong-arm this broad.

Take the L and move on – after you bang her best friend.

* * *

**8. After seeing a female friend for some time, you notice she is trying to change you. She doesn't like the way you dress, and she shows distaste for your quirks. Which option do you like best?**

Two can play that game, you no-style having, two-faced, shallow whore.

Next time she makes an offending comment, slap her – that seems to work well on animals and children.

Let her do what she wants – you want to stay with this girl.

Get rid of her – it's obvious she's just looking for a blank canvas.

Discuss this with her – give her one more chance.

* * *

**9. The more time you spend with your female friend, the more you dislike her personality. She's selfish, requires constant validation, and causes drama wherever she goes. But, the sex makes your toes curl. What to do?**

Tolerate her for as long as you can – girl can ride like nobody's business.

Keep her around for a bit longer, until you find something better.

You're not one to settle for one or the other – time for breakup sex.

Lobotomy is the only logical option here.

* * *

**10. Let's flip that. This female has a fantastic personality. She's smart, funny, loving, and you are the center of her Universe. But, the sex is awful. Now what?**

The sex isn't an issue – I love this girl.

Keep her – this is why "God" invented fuck-buddies.

Lock her in a room, and force her to watch porn – she might catch on eventually.

You're not one to settle for one or the other – time for the breakup, minus the sex.


	3. 3 L

**Tunes in Profile:**

_Colt 45  


* * *

_

L cont'd . . .

* * *

_Now, let's get down to the pillar of any healthy relationship. There are no wrong answers here . . . anything goes._

* * *

**1. You've finally gotten your lady in between the sheets. You're behind her, and all of a sudden . . . slippage. You quickly recover, only to find yourself haphazardly knocking at her backdoor. You both freeze, and silence ensues. What do you do?**

Slam it home, complete with donkey punch – you're pretty sure she's done this before.

Ask permission – this is uncharted territory.

Ask forgiveness – afterwards.

Correct yourself – you don't belong in there.

You feel incredibly dirty all of a sudden – shower immediately.

* * *

**2. You and your lady friend are both thoroughly enjoying "the moment", but it's a little too good, and you lose yourself. As a result, another woman's name slips past your lips, and she notices. What is your best course of action?**

Punch her as hard as you can – when she comes to, tell her it was all a dream.

Grab that Twix on the night table – you need a moment.

"What? I thought we were role-playing?"

Just go ahead and climb off – that round is over.

* * *

**3. You're on the sofa with your lady, and you find yourself in a blowjob tug-of-war. You know you cannot be with any female that doesn't go down. So, how do you handle this?**

"Listen, I plan on getting a lot of blowjobs in the future, and I'd like _you_ to be a part of that."

Inform her that she has to give head to get head.

Let it go – she'll regret it when she wakes up with her eye crusted shut.

You ain't too proud to beg.

Hit it and quit it – you need a girl that takes the initiative.

* * *

**4. So you've been seeing this girl for almost a month now, and you've had her a few times. Initially, you didn't really notice. But after this last encounter, you suspect she might be a faker, and damn good at it. What is the best way to go about this issue?**

Check for oversensitivity – if she doesn't have a spasm when you touch _it_, she faked.

This calls for a diplomatic strategy – try different things on her.

Interrogate her – if she's a frigid fraud, you need to know _now_.

Let it go – there may be emotional issues there, and you really just want to get off.

* * *

**5. You and your lady are playfully making out, when she tells you that she wants to watch you off yourself? Reaction?**

Politely decline – that's for you and you alone.

Let her – you find it intensely erotic.

"You first."

Only if she assists – with her tongue.

"I melt in your mouth, not in my hand"

* * *

**6. You've been spending a great deal of time with this girl you've been seeing, and you really like her. But, you think she might be a Nympho. She wants sex constantly in the most unrealistic of places, and gets angry when she doesn't get it. What do you do with this female?**

Send Fuckenstein packing – you'll end up raw and arrested.

You'll just have to quit your job and keep her on lockdown at the house at all times.

I fail to see the problem in this question.

This sounds like a job for _The Rabbit_ – get her one for when you're not around.

* * *

**7. Things have been going way too perfect with this lady of yours, and you just know that means you're missing something. After a rather interesting conversation with her sympathetic friend, you find out she's a certified Undercover Whore. What are you going to do? **

Break up with her, while you're still _inside_ her – she deserves no less.

Revenge is a dish best served cold – wait a week, then tell her you tested positive for full-blown AIDS.

Find out who else she's been doing, approach him, and see if he's open to a surprise DP session.

Do nothing – she has grade A tits and she squirts.

Suddenly, you have the urge to anally rape this broad – with household objects.

* * *

**8. You and this lady friend of yours click, and this girl is quickly becoming your heart. But in the bedroom, both of you struggle for dominance and both of you demand authority. What is the best solution?**

Reluctantly let her go – you have certain needs that must be met.

Create a safe word, and fight for it – you're stronger than her.

Divide it up 70/30 – you're willing to share a little bit to keep her.

We got a love thing – I'll let her rule me to keep it.

* * *

**9. This girl loves to go down, but lately she's been reluctant to accommodate you. After probing her, she confesses that your jizz has had a bitter taste lately. What do you think?**

Agree to taste it at her request – it's not gay if it's yours.

She's swallowing my unborn children – what did she think they would taste like?

Just up your fruit intake and make her happy.

You don't care – you're not the one swallowing it.

At the opportune moment, push yourself to the back of her throat – she won't even taste it.

* * *

**10. Great dinner, great movie, great company, fantastic sex. Now, she wants to touch, cuddle, and pillow-talk. How do you feel?**

This isn't a sleep over – show her the door.

You haven't done your job – give it to her again, and ram her until she passes out.

Just roll over and go to sleep – she can do whatever she wants, sans you.

You don't mind as long as you're not in the wet-spot.

* * *

DP - Double Penetration


	4. Disclaimer!

Personal Disclaimer for the purpose of relieving myself of any personal responsibility.

All stunts performed in a monitored environment by professionals.

* * *

I do **not **advocate rape, anal or otherwise - unless consentual.

Don't come whining to me when you get arrested for trying to force yourself on some female.

* * *

I do **not **advocate violence against women or men - outside of the bedroom.

Don't come whining to me when you get your ass beat for putting your hands on someone.

* * *

I do **not **advocate cheating on your lover - unless you really, really, really need some strange.

Don't come whining to me when you get busted for trying to cheat.

* * *

I do **not **advocate unprotected sex - unless you fully understand the consequences.

Don't come whining to me when it starts to burn when you pee.

* * *

I do **not **advocate any man shoving his cock down a female's throat - unless he fully understands the concept of "gag reflex".

Don't come whining to me because you tried it, and she threw up all over your dick.

* * *

I do **not **advocate any woman faking an orgasm - for any reason, ever.

Don't come whining to me that a man can't please you because he thinks he already is.

* * *

I most certainly do **_not _**advocate lying to _anyone _about having HIV/AIDS - unless you're about to get raped.

Self-explanatory.


	5. 4 L

Lastly, a few of the more important questions. Please write your answers in the space provided.

* * *

**1. Do you have a job?**

Yes.

**2. Do you have your own place?**

Yes.

**3. Are you married?**

No.

**4. Do you want children?**

Not really, no**.**

**5. Do you have any disabilities?**

None.

**6. Do you have any diseases or ailments? Take any prescription medications?**

No on both counts.

**7. Do you have any bumps or rashes anywhere on your body?**

No.

**8. Do you experience any discomfort when you pee?**

None.

**9. Are you circumcised?**

No.

**10. Who lies the most, men or women?**

. . . Men?

**11. Are you a virgin?**

No.

**12. In regards to question No. 11, did you lie?**

. . . Yes.

**13. Self-love? If so, how often?**

Yes. As needed.

**14. Do you perform routine maintenance?**

??

**15. Are you fixed?**

No.

**16. What do you think about marriage?**

Religious bondage.

**17. What do you think about abortion?**

Not my business.

**18. What do you think women want?**

A pet?

**19. How do you know when you're in love?**

When I seriously contemplate murder.

**20. Yes or No?**

Yes.

**21. Do opposites attract?**

Depends.

**22. Birds of a feather . . . **

Will fight each other over territory.

**23. Half empty or half full?**

In need of a refill.

**24. Mayo or Mustard?**

Sugar.

**25. Favorite Quote?**

The unexamined life is not worth living.

**26. Favorite Author?**

Sir Arthur Doyle.

**27. Why are you filling out this questionnaire?**

I don't want to die sexless.

* * *

That concludes this questionnaire. You will now be required to schedule an interview with your coach. Space is limited – Please do not waste anyone's time.


	6. 1 Light

_Wasn't sure what to do with Light, so I went 'both ways'. He's a tricky character to grasp.  
_

* * *

**Tunes on profile:  
**

**Closer (Explicit)  
**

**Dirty Little . . .  
**

* * *

_Social Therapy - Dating _

Dating Therapy Questionnaire – **Bi-Sexual Version**

Be as honest as possible. You are completing this form because you are DESPERATE.

This will determine what kind of mate I find for you. Help me, help you.

**Name: **Light Yagami

**Age: **17

**Hair: **Light Brown

**Eyes: **Brown

**Coloring/Complexion:** Light

**Race/Ethnicity: **Japanese

**Height/Weight****:** 5'8/119 lbs

**Shoe size: **8.0

**Boxers/Briefs: **Briefs

**Smoke**: No

**Drink**: Socially

**Kids**: No

**Religion**: Kiraism

Okay, let's move on to some general questions about you, and the mate you want. Remember - honesty! I am not a miracle worker, so please keep it realistic. Underline the answer that best suits you.

* * *

**1. When it comes to body-type, what are you interested in?**

I want a guy I get the urge to feed a sandwich to.

Tyra Banks _before_ she started relying on brains instead of looks.

I want one of those booty-dancing rap video hoes.

Fat girls need love too.

Big, hairy, and he works at Club Rectum.

* * *

**2. When it comes to breasts, what are you interested in?**

Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

I need just enough for a good titty-fuck.

The most expensive pair I can find – I demand perfection.

Tiggo Bitties!

* * *

**3. When it comes to the backside, what are you interested in?**

I want to feel bone, and see her G-string.

Cute and adorable gets the job done.

I want Jennifer Lopez in my face.

The bigger the berry, the sweeter the juice.

* * *

**4. When it comes to general coloring, what are you looking for?**

Necro all the way – the undead are so sexy.

Pink and cream – I'm looking for quality stock.

Forget sun-kissed, I want sun-slobbered.

Man, those Middle-Eastern women really _are_ hot.

The blacker the berry . . . the sweeter the juice?

* * *

**5. When it comes to sexual appetite, what are you looking for?**

Married couple sex.

Sex by appointment only.

Only when I'm in the mood for something a little more exciting than rubbing one out.

Whenever, Wherever, However, Whoever.

A.D.I.D.A.S.

* * *

**6. When it comes to 'romance', which best describes you?**

Know how to drive a _stick_?

Shut up bitch, and take this cock like a man.

Why waste time on romance when my victim isn't even conscious?

"I wanna fuck you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside . . . You get me closer to God." - _Closer_.

Dinner, Baby Face, and a bubble bath by candlelight.

* * *

**7. When it comes to those **_**extra-curricular activities**_**, what applies to you?**

Biting and scratching is as far as I'll go.

Whips, chains, handcuffs – smack a little something with my belt.

Tag Team – The more the merrier.

Make it hurt - Whoever screams first loses ;)

I'll do all of the above, and more.

* * *

**8. So, what do you have to offer?**

I'm Asian. Enough said.

What is average these days? 5 ½ to 6? That's me.

It's not the size of my pen that matters, it's how I write your name.

I wear Trojan Magnums.

Even a Sword Swallower can't deep throat it.

* * *

**9. Would you consider yourself an attentive lover?**

Absolutely. My lover's pleasure is my own.

While I can appreciate the concept, I really just want to get both of us off and go to sleep.

Define 'attentive'.

I'm willing to fulfill requests, but otherwise it's stroke . . . nut . . . sleep. In that order.

Come on command, or you're on your own.

* * *

**10. When it comes to the 'money shot', which best describes you?**

I aim for the face. It's so satisfyingly degrading.

I have yet to come across the Holy Grail that is female ejaculation.

Not a drop will go to waste. I rather like the taste.

Anywhere but my mouth – I hate warm liquids.

Never been one to pull out – it's not _my_ problem once it leaves my body.

From me to you – a Pearl Necklace for my sweetheart.

* * *

Now, for some dating questions. This section will be graded. Wrong answers will be discussed with you in person. Be honest!

* * *

**1. You've had your eye on this person for some time, and you've finally managed to get them to bed. Unfortunately, they don't seem too impressed with your performance. Thoughts?**

Damnit! That's my special way to hit it, and someone already did it?

Sweet sex isn't working. Plan B - _Destroy_.

Resort to physical violence – make them _fear_ you.

Give up. It's their loss.

"Think you can do better? Show me what you got."

* * *

**2. You've been unfaithful, and your girlfriend has found out about your little midnight trysts. When confronted, what is your best option?**

Play the Bi-Polar card. That _always_ works.

Cry. All females are suckers for tears.

Beat the bejesus out of her for even questioning your loyalty.

"Are you forcing me to choose? Well then . . . get the fuck out."

Invite her to join you for a little DP. Dirty little bitch.

* * *

**3. Let's flip that. You've found out that your girlfriend is letting another man turn her out at least 3 times a week. What now?**

Kill. Them. Both. Painfully.

Say nothing – Instead, psychologically rape her mind.

Record them in the act. Use your clever editing skills to replace him with a farm animal. Post it on the internet with her name, address, and phone number.

Steal him for yourself. What's yours is mine, right?

* * *

**4. You're out on a date with a new friend of yours, and an old flame just happens to notice you and walks over. Coincidently, new and old do not have the same reproductive organs. How do you handle this awkward situation?**

Politely excuse yourself, and escape out the back door.

Introduce them for what they are. This _is_ the Twenty First Century, isn't it?

Introduce him as a good friend of yours. You have a reputation to keep.

Invite him to join you, and drug _both_ of their drinks. This will certainly make for an interesting night.

Ditch her, and leave with him. She wasn't going to give it up anyway.

* * *

**5. You and your new friend have just finished a delicious Mexican dinner, and you're walking to the car. All of a sudden . . . those bean burritos are just not sitting right. What do you do?**

Don't fight it – you've already broken the taboo of gas.

Squench your cheeks shut and hope they don't notice your funny walk.

"Go to the car, I'll be right there."

Run back into the restaurant. It might be a false alarm, and it might not be. But you're taking no chances.


	7. 2 Light

. . . Light Cont'd.

**Tunes on profile:**

_Kim_

_Hey Papi_

* * *

**6. You've recently made a new friend, and you'd like to make the transition from friend to fuck. But, this guy is having none of it, and is completely ignoring your advances. What do you do?**

"I know where the bastard sleeps. Muhahahaha."

Invite him over for tea. You just happen to have a little MDMA left over from last weekend. Hopefully, he won't notice the taste.

"I know where the bastard sleeps. Muhahahaha."

Invite him over for tea. You just happen to have a little MDMA left over from last weekend. Hopefully, he won't notice the taste.

Take the classic approach – get him drunk and talk him into a sleep over. It's all downhill from there.

Throw the concept of 'Friends with Benefits' into conversation and see how he reacts.

Just bring the rape already. Those plaintive screams get you _so_ hot.

* * *

**7. This is the first time you've 'spent the night' with your new girlfriend, and sex is imminent. Based on her outward appearance – cute, well-groomed, nicely-dressed – you're expecting just a little light foliage 'down there'. So, it is with great surprise that instead of a well-kept rose garden, you're presented with an impenetrable rainforest. What now?**

Fall back! You might not make it out of there alive.

Pretend to pass out, and hope like hell she leaves you alone.

Plan Z – "I just realized that I really am gay. Sorry."

"Mother of God! What do you feed that thing!?"

Offer to give her a nice, warm bubble bath and take a razor to it.

* * *

**8. Let's flip that. You've been out of the scene for a few months (due to extenuating circumstances), and your man-fur has gotten just a little out of control. Your partner is standing in front of you with a razor in one hand, and Band-Aids in the other. How do you handle this?**

Run away – screaming.

Stop shaking, grin, and bear it.

Let him know right away that he will never get within 5 feet of _Mr. Big_ with anything even remotely sharp.

Bargain, and see if you can call his bluff – you rather like it the way it is . . . it's warm and you like to twirl it around your fingers while you watch TV.

"Go ahead, if you're brave enough to let me return the favor." Give him your most wicked smile.

* * *

**9. You're taking a shower after a rather satisfying night with your partner and unexpectedly, the urge hits you. Unfortunately, you neglected to lock the bathroom door . . . and he catches you in the act. Plan of action?**

Ignore him. He'll either leave, or stay for the show. You don't care which.

Ask him to leave, and jizz on his toothbrush to alleviate some of your embarrassment.

Ask for assistance – if he's going to stand there, the least he can do is lick your balls.

Unhand yourself, and continue showering as if nothing happened – it's too awful to talk about.

You don't have to do a thing - you've spent a lot of time breaking this one in, and he knows his role.

* * *

**10. You've been seeing your current girlfriend for a little while now, and you suspect that she might be going through your personal belongings behind your back. Normally, this wouldn't bother you. But since you really **_**do**_** have something to hide, you can't have this. What is the best way to handle this?**

Confront her about it in that sweet little voice you use when she's gone too far.

Write a private number of yours down with a female's name, and leave it lying around. When she calls it, verbally rape her to tears.

If she wants to violate your privacy, then you'll violate _her_ . . . with a curling iron . . . that's still plugged into the wall . . . dry.

Leave a note - "Dear Cunt, I see you like to go through my stuff. Maybe you'll be good enough to have it ready for when I come to pick it up? Love, your Ex."

That's okay – you know where her 'goodie drawer' is. Box up the contents, and mail them to her boss with her return address.

* * *

**11. It's your lover's birthday, and you've decided to surprise him by coming home early with a cake. Unfortunately, you walk in to the kitchen to discover that he's started celebrating early . . . with another gentleman on the kitchen table. What's worse, he's allowing this guy certain liberties that you don't get. They haven't noticed you yet. What do you do?**

Back away slowly, and cry in the car like a real man.

Grab that butcher knife off the counter, close your eyes, and start stabbing – he killed you first.

"Bleed bitch, bleed. Bleeeeeeeeeeed." - _Kim_

**Goodie Drawer** – The equivalent of a man's porn stash. Usually consists of vibrators, dildos, warming oil, nipple clamps, handcuffs, cock-rings, strap-ons, etc.

Don't own Death Note.


End file.
